Monday, July 18, 2005

I know I shouldn't, but I will anyway cuz' it's good...

So this is now a few days late (it has been circulating the net, so maybe you've seen it already) and I realize it is partisan, and has nothing to do with horses, but I just love it and I wanted to share (in case you haven't read it yet). Hopefully you will enjoy....

I know you're a blue stater in a red state (some of you). Thought this is
not only clever but true.

From the new country of New California...
. . .

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided
we're leaving.

We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other BLUE STATES
with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

WE get stem cell research and the best beaches.
YOU get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

WE get Elliot Spitzer.

YOU get Ken Lay.

WE get the Statue of Liberty.
YOU get OpryLand.

WE get Intel and Microsoft.

YOU get WorldCom.

WE get Harvard.
YOU get Ole' Miss.

WE get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
YOU get Alabama.

WE get two-thirds of the tax revenue.

YOU get to make the Red States pay their 'fair share.'

Since OUR aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, WE get a bunch of happy families.
YOU get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.

If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't
care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up ... but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the BLUE STATES in hand, WE will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent
of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the RED STATES, on the other hand, YOU will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes,
90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

WE get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, of those in the RED STATES:
- 38 percent believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale
- 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws
- 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory
- 53 percent believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11.
- 61 percent of you RED STATE folks apparently believe you are people with
higher morals than we "liberals."

By the way, WE'RE taking most of the good pot, too.
You can have that 'dirt weed' they grow in Mexico...

Author Unknown in New California.

1 comment:

twba said...

I really wish a state, any state, would secede. Someone has to get the ball rolling.